literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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