I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
