i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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