A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They have beer where we have blood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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