Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize