I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
