This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
