I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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