it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
