the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
