he thought i was a dude.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
