why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
