mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
