I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
