i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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