very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize