So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
