Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
