i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
