what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
