Christians are straight up FREAKS
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
