we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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