I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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