I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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