Me too!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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