someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I could fuck to npr.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
