i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
