Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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