I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize