I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come see our sink grown plant.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
