The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
