dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize