what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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