Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
