What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
