Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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