hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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