My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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