I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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