Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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