I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
