So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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