Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
