Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
