Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
