she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
