I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize