sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
