State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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