You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize