A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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