He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
