Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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