He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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