I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
