took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
