I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
