The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
