i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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