Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
