the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
