so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
