i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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