just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
