before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
