I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Randomize
