Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
