I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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