So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
