Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
