I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
