Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
