i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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