Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
