Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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