in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
