I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
