After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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