Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize