You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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