Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
