I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
