it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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