Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
